By Lori Berkey, Contributing Writer
Shrewsbury – Kim Nikula spends a six-week rotation with every student at Oak Middle School. As the school's only health teacher, the way she teaches is a lesson itself. She shows students respect. She listens to what they say. She lets them know what she wants from them. She sets clear ground rules. And from that, they learn about healthy communication. It's one of the topics intertwined in her unit on domestic violence. Because October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the unit she's on is coincidentally apt.
But with this problem existing year-round, Nikula stays busy well past October trying to reduce future tragic statistics.
“My goal with students in my room is to have each one of them know that there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy and sometimes it's not clear…so to check for warning signs,” Nikula said.
Nikula lets students know that although domestic violence can look real dramatic in movies, in life it can be more subtle.
“We talk about respecting someone's boundaries – physical and emotional boundaries,” Nikula said.
She gives examples, such as kissing in public, where one person may not like that and the other tries to manipulate the other into thinking it's okay.
She conducts exercises where students call out attributes of what they look for in a best friend and she writes down their thoughts.
“They have a great list on the board, perhaps “trust, loyalty or they listen well; they'se got your back,” all these great things. And then when you turn around and ask what is it that you look for in someone you'se romantically interested in, it's “Oh they'se got to be good looking; they'se got to have nice abs,” Nikula said.
The goal is to get kids to question why someone should settle for less in a romantic relationship. They discuss the importance of self-esteem.
Nikula talks with her students about possessiveness, jealousy and texting all the time.
“Kids are texting all the time anyway,” she said, “but it's the “Where are you?” “Who are you with?” – those kinds of texts. Is it just “Hey what's up?” Or is it “What are you doing? I don's really trust you.””
She discusses how abuse can occur through using Facebook.
“They have to realize also that this is a way to be controlled…” Nikula said, “how you'se getting stuff out there and what status are you. People might stay in a relationship just because they don's want to change their status even though it might be unhealthy.”
Some students don's see healthy relationships at home, Nikula added, and they don's know what healthy is. She emphasizes that everyone deserves to be in a respectful relationship.
For students who have a friend confiding in them about domestic violence, Nikula said she would advise them to be a good friend, to listen. She would recommend talking to a trusted adult and getting help.
Nikula said she's try to explain to kids that students are not getting their friend in trouble by involving an adult – but are trying to figure out how to help.
“Even doing it subtly talking to a parent or a teacher or a counselor in the building and saying this is my friend's situation and I's not sure what to do,” Nikula said.
“No one should be in a situation where they'se feeling like they'se not safe,” she added.
Nikula informs students about resources, including hotlines available to help victims make safety plans. Phone numbers she has posted include: Massachusetts Domestic Violence Safelink Hotline: 800-785-2020; National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233); and National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE(4673).
